The Loss of Friends You Didn't Have

So I used to have this friend. He was funny, social, gracious, well-traveled, close to his family, and liked to dance. In short, we had a lot in common (though not as much as he thought). And he was very close friends with someone I respect a lot, so he came highly recommended.

Of course he also had ways to irritate me -- self-absorbed, condescending, massive chip on his shoulder somehow coupled with an equivalently massive ego.

Most sad, though, was his attitude towards women. He didn't see their personalities, so much as an odds sheet ranking whether or not they'd date him. The exception was wives or girlfriends of his friends, and even then only marginally -- he put the smooth moves on two friends' exes within days of learning of their breakups.

And yet, whenever I was down, in a dark cloud or a mood with no real source and therefore no easy resolution, he could always make me laugh and lift my spirits. He and Eighties Dave were my go-to guys, and I loved him, for that at the very least.

Which is why I hurt when our friendship suddenly dissolved over the summer. He kept putting off finalizing a trip we'd planned; then I got an e-mail: "I've thought about it and I don't think we should travel together. Sorry."

There was no explanation from him, only a rumor that he'd said my friendship wasn't worth his time anymore -- because I didn't want to sleep with him.

We'd always joked that I was the exception to his female tendencies, but apparently I wasn't. So then I questioned whether we'd actually ever been friends at all. It's hard for me to let go of people, even people who are bad for me. I just hate giving up on someone, because I want to believe that there's more good than bad to be found if you look for it.

Last night, we ran into each other, and politely made small talk. When I bragged about breaking my 10-minute mile last night --

BY THE WAY, I BROKE THE 10-MINUTE MILE LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!

-- he looked confused. He didn't know I'd been running! He didn't know about my race! YOU all know about that, and I haven't even MET half of you!

I'd already been running for months before he put his social time to better use and stopped wasting it on me. So clearly he'd never been paying much attention in the first place.

Somehow, that confirmation made this all soooo much easier. And once again, without trying, he made he laugh and lifted my spirits. Hee!